What Makes Me Laugh

My mom first introduced me to Sudoku on a plane trip back from Arizona last spring. She opened her book of puzzles and started speaking in slow, precise tones about the numbers one through nine. 

“So, you see, if you put a one here, and then there is one over there, another one should go there.”

I nodded my head slowly, to indicate comprehension, just in time for the woman sitting next to us to turn off her headphones and listen to what sounded like a mother explaining a relatively simple concept to her adult, learning-disabled daughter. 

“So,” my mom continues, “if a nine is in this row, and another nine is in this box, what number should go in this box?”

My mom’s tone said, “Even a kindergartner could understand this. It’s not hard, but for whatever reason my 30-year-old daughter thinks it’s hard so I’m going to be patient. ”

The woman in the next seat hears silence and then a long, “Uh,” and then a giggle from me, and then my mom trying to go more slowly and more patiently. “Ok, let’s try another one. A five is right here, and a two is in this square, so what number should go in this column?”

“Uh,” giggle, giggle. “Uh.”

I’m surprised the woman listening in didn’t just lean over at some point and yell, “It’s an eight, you idiot, an eight!”

Since my failed experiment with my mom, I have avoided a repeat performance with Sudoku (which I have a hard time even pronouncing right). That is, until our trip to Australia this spring, when I decided that I needed an endless variety of entertainment for twenty hours of flying and Sudoku might be another good distraction for what feels like your head being squeezed by a vise.

And now I’m hooked. Completely. Which is even more surprising since I’m not a puzzle girl. I don’t like crosswords because I inevitably have to cheat and look up some stupid random piece of trivia about Humphrey Bogart or what moon is flying around Neptune or how many trees are in a wind break. 

But the thing about Sudoku is that it is totally logical, and if you just put your brain through enough pain you’ll get it eventually. Yes, I have checked my answers, but most of the time I just have to stare at it cross-eyed long enough to get all of my strings of 1-9’s in the right order in the puzzle.

It’s perfect when you’re sick, but don’t want the emotional strain of a good book that wrings your insides out through your tear ducts. It’s great when you’re tired, but up at 3 a.m. for no good reason whatsoever and need something to do to cure your insomnia. And if the experts are to be believed, it’s supposed to be good for your health because it can help ward off dementia in your old age by building up brain cells.

So, thanks mom. I owe you a better Mother’s Day present this year than last year. Even if I wasn’t the best student you’ve ever taught sudoku.

Martha, Martha, Martha. Just when I was starting to like you again. The stories of you picking dandelions in the prison yard and leading yoga sessions for the other inmates made me smile and think how plucky and resilient you are when the chips were down. Now, when I need to make apple cobbler or something with arugula and goat cheese I use your recipe search online, and though I haven’t used any of the organizational tips you e-mail me it’s the thought that counts, right?

Produce from last year's garden - the closest I can get to a Martha Stewart like image

So, why did you have to do an interview with the Washington Post that made you look so out-of-touch with the common woman who doesn’t iron her napkins before each meal? I mean, c’mon, glitter? Just the first line of the article made me laugh:

    ”Martha Stewart has a plan for how everyone can endure the economic crisis: by     glittering, embossing and beading.”

Really? Is that what we’ve been missing? Crafts?

It gets much worse. Another excerpt:

Q: How is the recession affecting domestic life and people making things at home?

Martha’s Answer: People are staying home and enjoying it by crafting and beautifying their home with decorating and cooking. They can’t afford to travel, but they can afford a [$23] glitter kit.

A $23 glitter kit? I’ve made it 32 years without buying a glue gun, thank you very much, and now I’m supposed to buy a glitter kit?

Oh, but there is more. Martha, again:

“In this time, when people have lost money in their IRA accounts and they may have lost their jobs and are having trouble making ends meet, they can lose themselves in beautiful projects.” 

So, if I’m hungry, and I need to feel better about my situation, I should get some beads, glue, and glitter and just lose myself in beauty. Not whiskey? I don’t know, maybe it could work?

It’s sad to me that Martha has to cut back on her tree plantings this year because of the recession (god knows, we need a few more trees) but frankly, she sounds more than a little miffed that people might (gasp!) bring her a few good brownies for a hostess gift instead of fine wine. Read on:

Q: Your daughter, Alexis, and pal Jennifer Koppelman Hutt, who do the Fine Living cable show “Whatever, Martha!,” did an online poll asking if someone was going to visit you, Martha Stewart, which item wouldthey take as a hostess gift: homemade brownies, a bottle of the finest wine, fresh flowers from their garden or a store-bought cake? The flowers got the most votes online, but what would be your choice?

Martha’s Answer (listen for tone): ”My choice would be a bottle of wine. If you bring flowers, it’s like bringing coals to Newcastle. I have more flowers than most people. I certainly don’t need a cake; I would be making the cake. Brownies? No.”

Coals to Newcastle? Martha also advises her gift-giving guests not to get too distracted by Twittering about it. “Too many of us are sitting around Twittering. How about knitting? Knit me a sweater or a scarf.” 

As for blogging? She can keep up with it via her blackberry and the laptops that are available everywhere she goes. Martha, I’m impressed. Crafts can cure everything.

I don’t hang out that much on YouTube. Perhaps it goes along with my aversion to “reality” television, which couldn’t get any more fake. But my brother-in-law revealed that YouTube holds at least a few more chuckles than I thought, when he called and directed me to search for phrases like, “little girl and monsters” last night. So, thanks to Don, I have a few children’s videos to share with you today that are guaranteed to make you laugh and ponder the great wisdom that can come out of a young child’s mouth.

For a warm up, let’s just start with the giggles. The short, “4 Laughing Babies” is about as anti-intellectual as you can get. There’s just something about these babies laughing that is totally infectious and I don’t really know why. Go ahead. Have a giggle.

For the little girl in this next video, monsters are nothing to be feared. In fact, she’s convinced she can beat ‘em up. I think she’ll be the next Kristen Schaal.

In “Charlie bit my finger” we ponder the fact that even babies can be sadists. Especially when we see the younger brother grin after chewing a bit on his brother’s finger. Oh, anyone who has a sibling can relate to this.

Finally, there is this post-modern, Barbaric Yawp of a video called “David After Dentist” in which a child asks, “Why is this happening to me?” and other great philosophical questions of his father after his dental treatment. The video below is part of a series from the David After Dentist blog.

I added a new page to my blog tonight with links to all of my favorite comedians, writers, and humorists. It’s admittedly still a work in progress, but will get you started finding people that make YOU laugh.