What Makes Me Laugh

Travel Tip #1: Avoid long layovers at LAX at all costs!

We are currently suffering through a 12-hour marathon layover in LAX.

 Here’s how today was suppose to go: Get up ungodly early, arrive at LAX from Montana at 9:00 a.m., check our luggage with Air New Zealand, throw carry-ons in a locker, and head to the beach for a little R&R before our 10:00 p.m. flight.

Here’s how today really went: Get confused about how to get to Air New Zealand terminal, rent a $4 SmarteCarte, speak with “volunteer” who gives us directions to terminal and then hoses us for a $7 donation for “hungry children”, travel approximately 1 block with $4 cart, get on bus, and arrive at empty terminal. 

Air New Zealand staff apparently don’t arrive on site until 2:00 p.m.. When we enquire with the security guard about when someone might appear he pulls us toward a window, points to an odd-shaped circular building in the distance and begins to talk in the sort of calm, resigned voice you use when giving someone bad news.

“See that building?” he says. “On the top floor is a restaurant, and on the bottom floor is a good deli. I really like the deli. You can also go to the international terminal – a lot of good restaurants there and a nice place to sit and watch the planes fly out.”

Watch the planes fly out? What does he think we are, 3? What about the lockers?

“Sorry, no lockers at the airport.” 

We look a bit stunned, and turn to see similar expressions on two couples traveling on Air New Zealand late in the day too. The UK couple are returning from Tahiti and are dog-tired. 

Doug decides he’s going to try reaching someone by phone and practices impersonating Bret and Jemaine while waiting on hold with Air New Zealand. When someone finally picks up he asks, “Is there a way we can check our bags early?” and she says,”Of course not! There might be four or five bombs in there!” Hmm. The woman is firm. We can’t check in until 6 p.m.

The Brit woman asks, “No joy?” when Doug gets off the phone and I shake my head. “No joy.” It’s now my new favorite saying.

The six of us trudge our way to the international terminal, where Doug is currently sleeping on my shoulder and I’m looking at a view of palm trees in smog. When we arrived here another “volunteer” asked “Need some help?” and Doug joked, “Yeah, I need some money for food. I’m hungry.”