What Makes Me Laugh

Martha, Martha, Martha. Just when I was starting to like you again. The stories of you picking dandelions in the prison yard and leading yoga sessions for the other inmates made me smile and think how plucky and resilient you are when the chips were down. Now, when I need to make apple cobbler or something with arugula and goat cheese I use your recipe search online, and though I haven’t used any of the organizational tips you e-mail me it’s the thought that counts, right?

Produce from last year's garden - the closest I can get to a Martha Stewart like image

So, why did you have to do an interview with the Washington Post that made you look so out-of-touch with the common woman who doesn’t iron her napkins before each meal? I mean, c’mon, glitter? Just the first line of the article made me laugh:

    ”Martha Stewart has a plan for how everyone can endure the economic crisis: by     glittering, embossing and beading.”

Really? Is that what we’ve been missing? Crafts?

It gets much worse. Another excerpt:

Q: How is the recession affecting domestic life and people making things at home?

Martha’s Answer: People are staying home and enjoying it by crafting and beautifying their home with decorating and cooking. They can’t afford to travel, but they can afford a [$23] glitter kit.

A $23 glitter kit? I’ve made it 32 years without buying a glue gun, thank you very much, and now I’m supposed to buy a glitter kit?

Oh, but there is more. Martha, again:

“In this time, when people have lost money in their IRA accounts and they may have lost their jobs and are having trouble making ends meet, they can lose themselves in beautiful projects.” 

So, if I’m hungry, and I need to feel better about my situation, I should get some beads, glue, and glitter and just lose myself in beauty. Not whiskey? I don’t know, maybe it could work?

It’s sad to me that Martha has to cut back on her tree plantings this year because of the recession (god knows, we need a few more trees) but frankly, she sounds more than a little miffed that people might (gasp!) bring her a few good brownies for a hostess gift instead of fine wine. Read on:

Q: Your daughter, Alexis, and pal Jennifer Koppelman Hutt, who do the Fine Living cable show “Whatever, Martha!,” did an online poll asking if someone was going to visit you, Martha Stewart, which item wouldthey take as a hostess gift: homemade brownies, a bottle of the finest wine, fresh flowers from their garden or a store-bought cake? The flowers got the most votes online, but what would be your choice?

Martha’s Answer (listen for tone): ”My choice would be a bottle of wine. If you bring flowers, it’s like bringing coals to Newcastle. I have more flowers than most people. I certainly don’t need a cake; I would be making the cake. Brownies? No.”

Coals to Newcastle? Martha also advises her gift-giving guests not to get too distracted by Twittering about it. “Too many of us are sitting around Twittering. How about knitting? Knit me a sweater or a scarf.” 

As for blogging? She can keep up with it via her blackberry and the laptops that are available everywhere she goes. Martha, I’m impressed. Crafts can cure everything.