Open Mouth, Insert Hook
22 Nov
Well, I can pretty much guarantee that I won’t be welcome in the Rising Trout coffee shop in Lewistown anymore. Which is really unfortunate, since I travel to Lewistown frequently for work, and it’s the only good coffee shop / bookstore in town.
On Friday, my colleague Mark and I stopped in there for a quick cup of coffee and a scone for the road. While we were waiting for several others to get served, I noticed a pile of fly-fishing dvd’s sitting on the counter, and the devil made me violate the other Golden Rule, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”
“Have you seen any of these?” I asked Mark.
“No, what are they?”
I picked one up and flipped it over to look at the back. “Oh, they’re kind of like those extreme skiing films you see where a backcountry skier gets dropped off by helicopter and they film his descent with a soundtrack playing behind it. Only, in this case, it’s a lot of slow-motion fishing sequences. It’s kind of like fly-fishing porn.”
Now, at this point in the conversation, what I don’t know is that the owner of the shop, who is serving us coffee — well, her husband and her travel around the world to make these films. And I have just compared them to pornography. It’s not funny, and yet every time I think about it I get the giggles.
“Have you seen any of them?” she asks me, with a sort of challenging voice, while making Mark’s coffee. “They are kind of like the Warren Miller films for skiing.” (You can see a trailer for a Warren Miller film below. You’ll get the idea pretty quickly what I’m talking about.)
“I think I’ve seen parts of Drift,” I say. Unfortunately, I don’t stop there. Instead, I make a casting motion with my hand and simulate fly fishing in slow motion. “I fly fish, but I don’t fly fish in slow motion.”
Ouch. Suddenly, I realize she is giving me the look that could kill and it dawns on me that she’s taking this awfully personally. We all fall silent while she finishes up Mark’s coffee.
When I get up to the counter she says slowly, “What do you want?”
Gee, I think, I hope my hot chocolate won’t be poisoned, and try to make sure she notices the $1 tip I leave. When we reach Mark’s car I say, “Well, I guess I shouldn’t have said anything about those films. I seem to have really offended her.”
I don’t know how badly I’ve put my foot in it until I repeat this story to a friend from Lewistown, and she explains why I got the look of death and suggests the next time I go back in there I buy a few of those films.
It’s honestly tempting. If you check out the trailer for Drift above, you’ll find some beautiful images. It’s very well made, but my problem with these kinds of films (especially about fly fishing) is that a.) Nature is “conquered” as a plot theme; b.) I don’t consider fly fishing an extreme sport (unlike backcountry skiing); and b.) as a group, fly fishing guides already have egos the size of Texas, and they don’t need films to make them feel more “special.”
I know Montana is famous for Norman MacLean’s book, “A River Runs Through It” and the the subsequent film and I love both. I also understand the fly fishing obsessed since Doug has been bit by that particularly bug. I just think the bro brah competitive culture around fly fishing gets a little old. That’s why I loved the short film by RA Beattie that my cousin Mary forwarded to me. It pokes some fun at the male fly fisherman and really makes me laugh. I couldn’t load it to my page but you can find it at Drake Magazine (click here): 177-stream-of-consciousness. Enjoy!
I read your post and that is an absolute nightmare. I had to laugh at was must be coming, though.
It reminds me of very good times.
So true, these films are kind of like pornography, but I like to watch! Just like cooking shows and Martha Stewart are pornogrpahy, too, creating these fantasy experiences that real life can’t measure up to. I’m find with just being a spectator. It is funny that the filmmaker was serving you as you were giving a film critique. She needs to grow some hide. You gotta be tough when you’re an artist. It’s harder than extreme skiing.
Hey, if you get both of these video clips going at the same time, its pretty funny! You definitely made me laugh! Shame on this woman taking your obvious joking so seriously…she must be from out of state! At least you get to live near “A River Runs Through It”, maybe you could make your own DVD:))
Allll right… loved the stories, proceeded to haunt the site like a stalker (all in the name of, OCD-style, trying to find the “follow” link that surely I missed) so I would remember to come back and read further funniness in the future (did anyone ever compare you to Patrick McManus– as far as writing style
before?). Well, anyhoo, I’m now going to give up before my search for “follow” makes me look more scary than dumb. Guess I’ll just bookmark it and hope I see it in my library of bookmarks again soon. 
Not dumb. That would be me. I haven’t figured out how to add it to my blog yet. I’ll work on that! Janelle